Mental fatigue

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2025

Eyup! I kinda liked doing free writing for my last post, so let's keep that streak going today. And anywho, I don't have the energy for much else right now. You know when you check the plastic container drawer and all that's left are lids without containers and old yogurt containers split down the middle? Well, that's pretty much my energy reserve at the moment. I'm so tired, it doesn't make any sense. But it's not physical fatigue, it's really just that I'm mentally drained, like if my hamster wheel got stuck.

I don't want to go to work, even though my tasks right now are so easy they shouldn't require any brain juice. And yet... And yet? And yet! (I write my posts to make one person laugh only, too bad for being accessible to as many people as possible.)

As for my hobbies, it's definitely getting worse. The idea of writing for my website to maintain my pace of one post every three days is completely insane, I know very well that I'm going to have to slow down soon but I DON'T WANT TO! And at the same time I don't have that much to say anymore, so maybe I should just shut up. It's been weeks since I played the piano, probably because I don't find the joy in it anymore. Every time I boot up a video game, I end up stopping 15 minutes later. I would love to do more creative things like drawing or graphic design, but I'm absolutely terrible at one and I have no idea for the other (and I'm not that good at it either).

And of course chores are a problem! It's always complicated, but at least it's not worse than usual. I'm really going to need like a month off work to learn to take care of myself and my space to make it a routine. Unfortunately, unless I quit, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. So I'm going to keep letting the dirty laundry pile up in the corner of my room and my hair get tangled to the point where just thinking about untangling it makes me cry.

The worst part is that it's tiring to do nothing! Because when I do nothing, I feel guilty for not being productive, and I beat myself up, and that tires me out even more. And to be very honest, I'm starting to get tired of YouTube, my feed is filled with stuff I don't want to watch, and I'm wasting too much time on that damned site. So what's the solution? Hermitage? Coke? Pull a Sleeping Beauty? Definitely something to stew on as a thought, an interesting exercise.

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