Creative, but...

Lundi le 1er septembre

I've been looking at the posts I've written for a few days now, and I can't help but think that I've set the bar pretty high for myself. Who came up with the idea of writing 1000+ word posts on really vague topics that take up 50% of my talking points every 3 days? So today I'm forcing myself to do a micro-blog, much more stream of consciousness, to remind myself that it's okay to take it easy, especially if it's a hobby, y'know.

I have such a hard time beginning to create things, it's actually insane. It's like there's something blocking me and I'm unable to find the first step, I absolutely have to do everything at once or I'm a failure. Like if I start a poster and I don't immediately have an idea that I like, or if I can't bring my idea to life after 30 minutes, or if when it's time to refine my design I'm suddenly not sure about it anymore, 90% of the time I give up. Straight up. And that sucks a bit because it discourages me from doing more graphic design, or anything for that matter! Like if every time I try to do something creative I fail, it doesn't look good for the next creative things I want to do. I still have a huge backlog of projects that I'd love to do, but they'll probably never see the light of day just because it's so much work and I can't untangle the knot into smaller steps, so I just end up staring at the pile of problems completely dumbfounded instead of just starting somewhere (I have so many board game ideas hidden across a thousand note-taking apps, it's sad).

The silver lining is that it gets a lot better when I work with someone else. If I have a friend who puts a little pressure on me and helps me bounce off ideas, my creative blockage gets released and the chaos in my brain gradually gets organized. I imagine I'm not the only one like this, but in my case it's a bit of a problem, since I'm stuck in a loop where I'm now almost incapable of working on certain types of projects (especially writing) without being accompanied because I'm no longer confident in my skills. Oops.

Anyways, that's about all I have to say on the subject for now. I'm sure that if I dug deeper I could write more, but I'm setting a limit of 500 words to avoid discouragement and also just to see if I prefer shorter writings, even if it means starting ideas and never finishing them like a mysterious author that young people are forced to read in high school. I'm not even going to proofread, it's probably going to be full of mistakes. Ciao ciao!

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